Review: The Little Panda Fighter

 I've decided to do animated movie reviews when I saw this... Thing.

Before we get into this review, let's start with the cover: It is a shameless ripoff of the Kung Fu Panda series, which I consider to do have actual worth. This panda, unlike the lovable Po from that movie, we have a creepy panda that stares into your soul. 

BOW DOWN TO THE PANCADA! HE IS THE DEMON LORD!

Company: The infamous Video Brinquedo, a company well known for making rip-offs of other, well respected animated movies such as Tiny Robots and the Frog Prince. This is by far their most infamous one, and for good reason.

LOOK AT THIS.

Directors/animators:

Michelle Gabriel is the director. I wonder how she lives with herself, to be honest. Ale Mchaddo wrote the script. Paulo Biagoni, Renate Fujio, and the lovely Authro Hermandas is responsible for the animation. Notice how there is only three people. 

Voice acting:

Since this is a Brazilian film, I will judge less on the voice acting for this... THING. The translation from Brazilian-to-English is pretty rocky, for sometimes the characters will start talking super fast for no reason. It gets strange, and often what there saying doesn't match the mouth animation.

Summary:

A panda who works at a Chinese-themed boxing match place is forced to try to be a hero after a mix up with a polar bear who tries to fight another bear in a match is disguised as him. 

For a company who is really cheap, this whole thing has a weirdly contrived and complicated plot. It's terrible, of course, but there's a lot of strange complications that build up to nothing.

Animation:

DID YOU EVEN TRY?

This is some of the worst animation I have ever seen. Sometimes, the head will sink into the neck. It is clunky and the movement of the characters is more like drunk people walking then people walking. Or anthropomorphic bears, I guess. Sometimes, they will reuse the same clips of animation, like the training montage in the third act. 

This is some of the worst animation I have ever seen. This is coming from a person who was watching a ton of cartoons in the 2000's, when flash was animated and tons of lazy animators thrived like the people who made Johnny Test.

Pros:

+It is absolutely hilarious. This is another case of so-bad-its hilarious. The whole thing is up on Youtube to watch for free. Though that is copyright infringement,(which is something I don't applaud) I don't think Video Brinquedo is going to bring it down anytime soon. 

Can you claim copyright on a rip-off?

Cons:

-Rip-off of another great film.

-Horrid animation.

-Strange storytelling with tons of elements that make no sense.

-Copyright infringement on The Care Bears(I forgot to mention this, but there was a Care Bear in the movie. There was no parody, just a straight up Care Bear.)

-One dimensional characters.(Well, that's a bit of stretch.)

-Everything else.

Spud rating:

Five out of a hundred spuds. 

No one would like this.

Review:The Selection

        Title: The Selection


      Author: Kiera Class

    Summary: Since the establishment of Illea, every generation of prince has needed The Selection. The Selection is the "Bachelor" in a terrible Dystopian YA, where thirty five girls are chosen to be the prince's bride, as they must contend for his affections to be the queen. Or princess. One girl, named(you will not believe this) AMERICA SINGER, a fiver in one of the lower castles, is chosen to be one of those thirty five girls and must win the princes affections to be crowned a royal.
As you can with the summary alone, there's a few problems. For starters, this is supposed to be a DYSTOPIA. In America, none the less. Even in the future, this would never, ever happen. Like, EVER. Castle systems, though it can fun at times, is done to death, and this one makes even less sense. I forgot to mention this before, but the half-a@@ed idea of the backstory of this world is that America had a war with China(if you know anything about the modern day economy you would understand that China and America depend on each other for their economies)  Our main character, named AMERICA SINGER has an incredibly lubricious name. Kiera Class, you named your character AMERICA. Her first name is so, so idiotic. Someone in the book should've at least called her 'Mercia ONCE.

Plot:
Probably the biggest wrong with the story. The plot is boring and doesn't make sense. I literally do not remember the main plot at all. This is very bad when writing a story. Let's look at another series, a much better and respected one: Harry Potter. Though both in different genres, I remember the plot of Harry Potter way more than I do with the plot of The Selection. I haven't read Harry Potter for five years an I still do remember the basic plot. I read the Selection a few weeks ago and I remember almost nothing.
It's very basic, predictable, and un-memorable, especially since Maxon(or white boy 1, as I call him) and America(or Stock main heroine) have no real chemistry or depth. It's hard to get into characters that have almost no character.
There's two subplots: Drama subplot and Politic subplot.
Drama subplot is Mean Girls with no real idea of character, and uses every cliche in the book. Politic subplot is basically theirs a war with South and West. There is no name to the countries, a reason why they were at war, and all of it amounts to is just some people randomly walking into the castle. They don't have weapons or bombs or anything, they just come in. I'd love to see what their planning stage was.
Guy One: Man, we'll destroy Illea!
Guy two: Yeeaah!!
*goes into castle*
Guy one: WAIT, WE FORGOT THE BOMB!

Characters:
I only remember America because of her stupid name. I like to call her Stock Main Heroine. Maxon is bland and unrealistic. I call him White Boy 1. Aspen is boring. I call him White boy 2. Her family I could find in literally every other dystopian YA. No real memorable characters from the other girls competing.
One has relations in New Asia. That is all I can tell you.

Pros:
+It's sorta similar to Twilight in a lot of ways. From bad characters, to bland romance, to world building ignorance, it is HORRID. But, I'll give it one thing. It's hilarious. There is so much to make fun in this book that it is an outline to some great jokes. I'd suggest for anyone who has a functioning idea of storytelling to read this out-loud to your other friends with a sense of decent storytelling at a party. You'll have some fun.

Cons:
-Bland Romance plot that makes no sense.
-No interesting or remarkable characters.
-Two subplots that go nowhere.(at least in this book.)
-No idea of reality. Having a sense of what the world is or where it might go is a great start to having an interesting dystopia, because you reflect the world's flaws or maybe try to give us an interesting idea of the future. The author has no sense of reality at all.
-Bland dystopia with overdone cliches.
-It ignores basic world-building.
-No self awareness.
-Cliches upon cliches. Take a drink of apple juice every time you spot one. I'm only recording apple juice because if you drank alcohol every time you spotted one, you would be dead first ten pages.
-PEOPLE LIKE THIS AND IT'S GETTING A MOVIE.

Who would like this:
Teen girls looking for some wish fulfillment about being a princess and getting a princes love, while still being "independent". If you have more than five brain cells, you would not like this.

Spud rating:
Ten out of hundred spuds. At least it's funny in how bad it is and it has no grammar mistakes.

Afterthoughts:
This is getting a movie. People actually like it.
I don't get it. I can understand and respect people's opinions, but this is one of the few times I do not get it.
It is just dystopian cliches+Twilight+The Bachelor. I'm debating on seeing the movie, which is apparently being made by Warner Bros, just because I'm not sure if I want to risk seeing a bad movie out of a hope for a so-bad-its-good movie.

Schedule

I'll try to post once a week a review. Most of these will be book reviews since I don't regularly watch movies. Whatever else I post will have to depend on my private life.

First ever blog I guess?

Hello there Internet People

My name is Potato and this is my first ever blog. This is mostly going to be a review blog of books and movies(so original) and maybe a couple of rants about popular culture, politics, or something else entirely. 

Perhaps I'll get some art up here if I can.

I like reading, writing, jumping, running, web-comics, potatoes, and other things.